March 29, 2019
Kudos to MSN FNP student Terra Beek, who had her poem “Pause” published in the spring issue of Health and Humanities Journal.
Well done, Terra!
*Pause
Pause.
Finely pressed scrubs? Check.
Brand spankin’ new stethoscope? (do I wear it around my neck? nah, pocket is fine.) Check.
Pharmacology pocket book? Check.
Nervous? Check…
Knock, knock.
No answer.
–A pause.
I lift my hand to knock again when I hear—
“Come in,” a faint, barely audible voice echoes.
I open the door.
There is a solitary ray of light.
I stiffen up, eyes alit with eagerness and with a smile say,
“I am your nurse today, is there anything you need right now?”
[Whew, went just as practiced.]
She exhales.
She glances out the window.
I wait…
and wait…
She responds, “Nothing you can help me with, dear.”
I deflate. Her weary eyes tell a tale.
A tale beyond my overstuffed scrub top,
With a crisply new pocket medicine book, or shiny penlight…
There is silence. No one moves.
Two people, two stories.
Agonizing silence…
Til—
She stirs! I exhale…Her hand moves to reveal—
A bible.
And everything is illuminated.
No shiny textbook can explain the human response
to suffering.
And I became present.
And so we sat, hand in hand, together in one long
Pause.
*This poem is dedicated to my very first patient, who taught me lessons beyond a textbook.